Ew I'm fifteen now! Im old! XD Hahahaa. So a bunch of stuff has happened in the last two months. Let's make a list! :] 1. Found out Dave loves me the same way I love him. 2. Spent a lot of time with Dave during the long 3 day weekends in February. 3. o2.27.o9 Formal<3 Dave was my date and we waltzed :3 4. On the same day of formal, found out Dave could not dance XD He looked like he was having a seizure XD *roflmaos* 5. Had drama with a certain someone whom I do not want to mention [and we won't be able to solve it because she thinks I'M immature *rolls eyes*] but then Dave pointed out very nice things to me about our relationship. 6. o3.o7.o9 First kiss with Dave<33 Well.... I did have my bad moments, but that last one made up for a lot of it XD I WAS going to put up lyrics/a poem.... but I got distracted and forgot what I was going to say >.<;; ^^;; Well, there's a lesson to learn from that my dear children and that is.... when you have a good idea or something comes to mind.... write it down. Find a pen and jot it down quickly!! XD Okay... Well that's a really short update o_o Um... I guess that's about it for now. I'll try to remember my lil sonnet poem thingy later :3 Edit: TO MY COUSIN NANCY; PLEASE STOP READING MY BLOG LMAO. okay thx.
Reality hits you fast and hard. You think, "Wow. We have a lot of time." then the next thing you know, you've only got a few months left with someone. And... it fucking sucks. My birthday this month though I'm not doing anything really special. That's probably the only good thing about this month. My birthday. Anyways, what I was saying at first is that I only have a few more months left with some senior friends. I'm going to miss them like hell. Especially one particular person. I really love this person and I don't want him to go. I really don't. I get really lonely just thinking about it and it always makes me cry. All I want to say is that I'm really going to miss him. I'll be really lonely and sad when he leaves. I want him to come and visit as much as possible because I don't think I can get used to him always being gone. I know I should, but I can't imagine my life without him anymore. I'm too used to seeing him almost everyday and I don't think I'll ever find anyone who can take his place. And I hope he can find someone better than a certain girl. And when the day she realizes she missed out on the best thing that ever came into her life, it will be too late, and she'll regret it... BIG TIME. So I give her no sympathy >_> Anyways... Yeah I guess I'm really torn up about my friend moving. He's like a brother to me. He's my best friend and I don't think I"ll ever be able to let go of him. *sigh* I can't even think about this without crying. :/ 'Kay I'm pretty much done ranting.... short post today.
I think I'm coming down with a fever. How did I get sick you might ask? Well I have no idea. My friends said it was because i forcibly shoved junk food down my throat. That may be why. I have a huge ass headache and a stomach ache [though that just might be from the junk I ate]. Let's see what's happened so far shall we? Hm... Well my crush [though I keep trying to convince myself I'm over him] doesn't like me like that anymore. He's moved on to my close friend. Bummer right? And lately I've been getting jealousy spasms? Um.... let's just say jealousy surges. Bad thoughts equals punishment. That's why I over stuffed my face with junk until I thought I was going to puke, no matter how much gagging I did. To be quite frank with you, this post is mostly going to be about my so called "crush" and my feelings of jealousy. He's my age but in the 11th grade. Why? I don't know. Anyways, he's like a spoiled child. Getting whatever he wants and throwing tantrums now and again. It gets annoying, but despite it, I still like him [lame right?]. I was telling myself this was why I am so angry, but the truth is... it's not. It's because I feel jealous I guess. It's because my close friend [whom I do not want to transfer], said she might be transferring to another school. She told me and also ended up telling my crush who likes her. He's angry or shocked? I don't know. I tell myself I don't give a damn. Anyways, he's throwing one of his tantrums. Big shocker there >.> *sarcastic tone* Anyways.... I'm jealous of my friend, because he treats her so special. It hurts me and makes me want to scream and cry. Throw a tantrum. But that is a big nono because I have a weird inability to cry at school and I can't cry at home. Or rather... not allowed to cry at home. If you have questions about that, ask me privately. Umm.... after thinking about what I wanted to type I forgot what else I wanted to say. I think that's about it for now? Hm... we'll see.
I swear life hates me. Just when I get over something totally heartbreaking, life comes back with friends to kill me with 100x more force. Why do I say that you ask? Well, just when I get over this guy... BAM!! Life comes at me with my BEST FRIEND. The closest person to me in the whole world HURT me. This is what I texted to a buddy of mine today at 12 A.M. in the morning because I couldn't sleep: "Haha damn. All this time I thought I only loved [insert name] as a brother. Boy am I stupid... Hahaha. The pain I feel now makes me wanna stab myself. So I guess I was just stabbed in the heart by the person I loved most. It hurts so damn much. I can't even breathe without it stinging. I don't think I've ever been in this much pain before. I don't think he even knows how much he's hurt me. Haha why am I so stupid?" And damn does it fucking hurt. I was in so much pain, the emotional pain became physical... kind of. My heart felt like it was being stuck with pins. It hurt so bad to even breathe and I couldn't stop crying. I actually CRIED myself to sleep.... The thing was that, it hurt to hear that he found the girl of his dreams and she's leaving and that he was in pain. But for me, the most painful was hearing SHE is the girl of HIS dreams and I wasn't. I've known him longer than she has too. I guess that's why it hurt so much... Somewhere in between the friendship that built up between us... I started liking him again. I don't want to say love because I don't know that for sure yet, but that's beside the point. It just hurts to know that I'm not the one for him... I'm going to have to get over that though because I don't want to ruin my friendship with the two people now. Besides, I know that my best friend is always going to be there for me no matter what. He's proved himself so many times now that I can't ever forget what he's done for me. Another thing I found out while working at my parent's shop today was, if I don't think about it, the pain goes away. I just need to find some distractions to help me get over it. To help the pain go away. And knowing the friends I have [Maria, Jeremy, and Nikko mostly ;D love you guys!<3], I know I'll be okay. This is also a good Christian experience for me. It made me see that God really is looking out for me because He gave me such AWESOME friends to help me through tough times. So I have to remember to thank Him for everything. So.. that's about it? LOL. Kay. I'm done :]
Solitude sounds like heaven. The noise around me is deafening. Being too close hurts. I wish I never gave you a chance. I'm so sick of everyone getting on my back. I'm so sick of the place I used to call "home". I want to be free. Free of the chains that bind me here. You tell me sweetened words to keep me. What purpose shall that serve? Who can understand the blackened heart I call my own? Pain sweeps this heart and tears me apart. The Novocaine that used to paralyze the suffering long gone. Blood stains my torn wings, Torn wings from failed attempts to fly. I grasp my head in pain, hoping to stay alive. But then I realize.... That I've been dead, for a long, long time. And I'll stay like this, cold and unmoving... Until the day the Lord comes to take me home.
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